girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
