you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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