My friends, they love my intelligence
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
