$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
