Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
