my shit smells like andre
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just high enough for therapy.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
