Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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