Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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