I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
