Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just high enough for therapy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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