i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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