I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
