Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
