Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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