im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
