oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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