Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
