its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize