New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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