either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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