U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
