did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize