Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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