I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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