i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
