I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
