JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
