I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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