I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Randomize
