How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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