Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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