I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
