Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
