you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
