Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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