actually, I'm a sock model
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
