My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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