Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
