I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
