i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
