Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
