You made me cry and you don't even care
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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