i don't want you to think of me as your TA
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
