are you so shy because you have an std?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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