Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize