we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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