he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
