I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
