are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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