Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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