Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
