i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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