Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
