I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
