Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
