She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
