Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
third nipple confirmed
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
