No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
