The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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