After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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