Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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