DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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