I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
