You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
