i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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