carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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