I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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