Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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