I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
