You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize