You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
