Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm always down for nudity.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
