smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
