if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize