I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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