let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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