waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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