Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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