I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
