i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
