false alarm. still invincible.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
